Husband has become unsupportive and quarrelsome during pregnancy

Forums 4. Family, Relationships And Personal Issues Husband has become unsupportive and quarrelsome during pregnancy

This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Arch2177 1 year, 7 months ago.

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  • #60440
     Arch2177 
    Participant
    #60440

    Hi ladies

    I’m regular reader of this forum.
    Want to share my problem if anyone can help giving suggestions..

    Mine is a love marriage, though everything was good but in laws were against the marriage, but had to accept it as my husband didn’t give up. Now it’s been 6 years and still my in-laws harass me a lot.

    After a lot of treatment I have got pregnant, but in laws harass me so much and somehow my husband after pregnancy has changed. He always listened to his parents but now it’s like he keeps fighting with me for finding faults in everything w.r.t. his parents.

    I don’t know what’s wrong. rather he should be happy and more supportive but instead totally opposite has happened..

    His parents are so weird, have never supported me for anything.

    Since the second month, my parents are sending tiffin to my home for food as I was advised bed rest and though I hired a cook, my in laws deliberately brought such veg’s n food I can’t eat!

    In addition to all this, my husband’s elder brother who had also done love marriage and had problems with his parents have now suddenly started all good relations. My jethani keeps coming and they are also trying to spoil things here…

    I’m so tired of all this stress..
    4 days a week m crying at night…
    My husband doesn’t bother to know..
    Even this pregnancy problems are in addition..
    At times I feel like committing suicide…
    I loved this man so much and what am I getting in return?! :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:
    All his parental love n care supersedes always…

    Just to elaborate the unsupportive nature of my in laws will give you an example,

    My in laws after my pregnancy, went to kerala for 10-12 days then Rajasthan for another 20 days. Then after my mil got her cataract operation one after another.

    So they have not participated in literally anything in my pregnancy…

    But somehow they have convinced my husband that they’re taking good care of me!
    And this stupid man actually believes them! And so fights with me..

    I don’t know what to do…
    I’m so tired and feel so so helpless…
    Don’t know what to do…
    I don’t know what to expect from life…
    I regret this pregnancy as before pregnancy i had a job and could go out and could feel better…

    Now the scenery is like, If husband could at least understand me, could be better but I feel so alone…

    Has any one been through such situations?

    Pl advice how to move on n where?!

  • #60463
    nupoor_n nupoor_n 
    Moderator
    #60463

    Hi Arch,

    If your husband was not like this before pregnancy(I mean quarrelsome), then high chances he is as stressed about being a father as you are.
    If these things are sudden, high chances you are not seeing the bigger picture and figuring out why he is behaving like that, and fretting and wasting time and energy on the fact that he is being unsupportive during pregnancy.
    Don’t let your husband, his parents and anyone else get to you in this time of your life, where your child needs you to be happy. Try to talk to him, instead of focussing on the fact that he is just being unreasonable during your pregnancy. He might himself be stressed right now.
    Only by communicating you can handle this well, and please don’t overthink small things. If your inlaws say they are taking care of you, let them say and your husband believe it. Words are not making a difference to your life anyways, don’t let them get to you and spoil your and your husband’s mood.

    Take care of yourself and best wishes for the baby.

  • #60470
     lazygirl 
    Participant
    #60470

    hey congrats on your pregnancy yar..
    my suggestion is dont think and expect anything from anyone during preganancy… i understand you are feeling bad about ur husbands behaviour but let him be that way. At this moment dont think of him. your health, health checkups are important. let them all go to hell. let them say or do anything behind you. do not think of all these things and cry. this might effect your baby. instead make yourself busy. buy some interesting books and keep on reading.out of my experience i am telling you. even i faced similar situation but trust me once you let go of all these things and do whatever you like to do life is more beautiful. go for shopping if you are not on bedrest. I simply did not care anyone, literally anyone even my husband. i ate from time to time.slept peacefyully hearing my fav songs and went out if I wanted to. my husband and inlaws were so surprised to see me like that. even though they dint support i did not let that impact any day of my life. so please stop thinking about them.. start thinking about yourself. after all, if you start giving priority to yourself atleast your husband might think of the baby and change a little.

  • #60478
    pllvb pllvb 
    Participant
    #60478

    Ok first of all you need to break out of the negative spiral of in├židents and thoughts. Plan a couple of good things for yourself. Footmassage, coffee with a friends, lunch meetup with your girl gang, get your nails done at the spa…basically anything that makes you feel really happy. If you are unable to step out try and arrange things at home. Once you start feeling positive itl trigger a positive approach towards your problems. Be attentive and open to communication. Speak to your husband. See this is the man you fell in love with. Try and figure whats bothering him. Address the actual issue and dont sweat over petty stuff. Trust me you’ll be fine. Wish you a smooth pregnancy and a happy healthy baby! :biggrin:

  • #60722
     cutybeee07 
    Participant
    #60722

    Hi .. congratulations. I know how it feels .. I’m so sorry .. this is a very weak time for any women due to all physical and hormonal changes its very emotional for no reason.. u r giving birth, a life to a baby it’s not a small thing. It’s very important for you to be happy all time..
    first – if u have a chance better move to your parents place so that he would come to u and meet u in that way your most of problem would be solved also as u stay away from him he would miss u and be good to u.
    Second – When he is in no mood in believing u stop trying to prove him about his parents.
    Third – Try to be loving and affectionate towards him for few days and then ask him how is he feeling about becoming a dad .. ask him is he scared or stressed or worried .. or anything bothering him. As yours is a long wait anyone should be more than happy but he is opposite so find out the reason ..

    Fourth – both of u go to a counselor or any common friend and express your feelings maybe third person words makes him to understand better.

    Lastly if nothing works ask him if he is not happy with u just threaten him because of him u wanted to go for abortion as u r very horrified. By that u would at least know his real feelings … don’t try last one unless it goes worst case.

    U r suffering means u r even more suffering your baby inside its true … When a pregnant women gets stressed all stress hormones are released in the body Which effects the baby a lot. Solve your problem very soon and be very happy.

    Good luck.

  • #60727
     Arch2177 
    Participant
    #60727

    Thanks a lot all of u…
    I felt heard after long time..
    Will try to actualize above suggestions from today…
    Let’s see it works for good..
    Thanks again…

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