I have a question on how usually indian couples working outside country handle their finances/salary situation? In my case, my husband has one individual and one joint account (with me). My entire salary comes in that joint account (which is only incoming cash in that account). My husband’s salary comes in his individual account. Husband is not fine with me opening individual account and wants to keep full access/view to my income via joint account. Even when i spend something for lunch during work hours, he knows. Whether or not he is looking on transactions, this feeling is getting suffocating to me now. I am not a person who spends only on necessary stuff and ask him prior to buying anything. Even when i earn i have to ask him for cash because there is no nearby ATM for that bank which i have account. Please suggest what you would have done in my situation
Hey Alone! :( I’m not married, and neither do I live outside India, but I could not resist myself from pitching in here.
I can’t tell you how angry I am, with your hubby right now. If his salary comes in a separate account that only he can operate, why shouldn’t yours too? I think every man and woman has the right to spend his/her hard-earned money as he/she deems suitable. One thing is to contribute to the family expenses in a fair manner- but this should be done by both spouses and not just by you.
Ask yourself a couple of questions- has he played any role in you landing the job? If so, then maybe you could buy him something he likes, once in a while (apart from your usual gifts, of course), to show your gratitude. But I’m sure that even if he had referred you for the role, you cracked the interview and secured the position by your own calibre. Any promotions and hikes you’ve earned too, were due to your own efforts. So, I think the right to spend the money earned in this manner, should lie solely with the one who earns it, i.e., you.
I’d say you’ve already gone a step too far by explaining to him how and where you spend your salary. In my view, that is not needed, especially since you say you have no reckless spending habits. If you’re an adult capable of earning your own money, you’re an adult capable of deciding how that money must be spent. You don’t need anybody’s permission for that.
Also, I may be being too sceptical, but did your husband suggest you open your joint account in that particular bank? If yes, did your husband know about the lack of accessibility to ATMS for you? Were there never any ATMs for that bank near your workplace, or did you switch companies/locations and the lack of ATMs is a new situation? If your husband knew all along that you wouldn’t be able to withdraw money, even in an emergency, and yet make you open a joint account in such a bank, I’m afraid there could be some red flags. If not, and if you created a joint account initially just because it was convenient to both of you for some reason, then I apologize in advance for judging.
Besides, does your husband know how you feel about the entire scenario? Does he realize he’s constricting your life by his narrow approach to money? While I agree that money isn’t everything in a relationship, I also feel like it is a lot, especially in dual income couples. In case he does not realize that you’re upset about the situation (even though a grown up should be smart enough to understand w/o being explicitly told, that asking his wife why she spends how much money and where is not cool), the please do tell him. Like you’ve mentioned in your story, you aren’t sure if he’s actively monitoring your expenditures. try to know if he is. If he does not do it, he will let you know w/o getting offended, and will not stop you from opening your own account. If he does, he might either accept or deny, but will not like the idea of a separate salary account for you. I hope the former is the case :)
Either ways, Id suggest you go ahead and open your own salary account. Put in some money from it into your joint account for your household expenditures. If all goes well and your hubby cooperates with you, you both can chalk out a plan as to who will pay for which joint expenditure; and it’ll be a wise thing to stick to that plan, and review it once in a while so as to see to it that you’re both satisfied with the way the expenses and savings are being made.
PS- There is a slim possibility that you used to be involved in some bad spending habits earlier, because of which either you, or he, or both of you had run into some trouble; and he started restricting your access to money only post that. This is a hypothetical scenario, but if by any chance it is true then his behaviour is understandable and you’ll have to convince him that you’ve changed, and that you deserve a trial period at least to prove the same, so you can have your own account.
- This reply was modified 4 months ago by ArpitaNandi.
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Same as arpita!
I am so pissed after reading this ..
I earn and live in a joint family.. i do not have any joint account with my husband and he dsnt question me when i spend at all.. if he is in crises he askes if ill be able to lend him some which he returns whenever possible. when it comes to second hand stuff passing over to any one of us .. we pay each other ..
What is the point of twin earning or a female earning if you are not independent. which clearly you are not. ur situation is like he has sent you to earn under his control.
i even know couples where wife’s salary gies into saving and husband’s salary is used to spend and wife gets equal share int it.
please dont mind if i m rude.. but i m really annoyed..
DONE BE HELPLESS! put your foot down.
just dont be independent by ‘word’ be actually independent. i dont mean do not give anything fr house .. but you have first right on your earned money.
- This reply was modified 4 months ago by VijetaNagar.
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