My bf is short tempered; how do I deal with him?

Forums 4. Family, Relationships And Personal Issues My bf is short tempered; how do I deal with him?

This topic contains 8 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by gossipgirl gossipgirl 2 years ago.

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  • #47344
     Prabha 
    Participant
    #47344

    Hi all,

    I am new to IMBB and i need your suggestions.

    Me and bf are in long distance relationship for more than 5 years. He is working abroad. We will get married in the next year.

    The problem is here my bf is too short tempered. We fight often and will last for few minutes. But in extreme cases he will never call or message me for two days. This hurts me a lot. When I asked for reason he will say he wanted me to realize my mistake. If it is my mistake surely i will accept by talking each other.

    Sometimes I feel that he is not understanding my feelings and this makes me hurt. When i discuss about this he will say that he will repeat like this if I make mistake.

    I know he loves me a lot but he won’t express it.
    I am scared if he continues like this even after our marriage. I am so sensitive and due to this I am not able to concentrate on anything.

    Please suggest me how can I control his short temper and overcome my tension.

    Expecting more positive replies.

  • #47382
     Anj 
    Participant
    #47382

    I guess two days back only some posted that before marriage too her BF’s behaviour was not good and now he is even worst. And aesi toh kya hi Galti karti ho aap isisi Ki information hide karti ho? . Hudd hai matlab. Me n my BF is also in long distance and if after fight if he doesn’t call in evening I just tell him how I felt and he will be like I’m really sorry next time we both will be more sensible. I don’t know what type of mistakes you make so can’t say much. But clear things before marriage itself. Next time you don’t talk for 4 days if does something. Simple if he loves you surly he will try to talk , you don’t rply that time and you can make your point clear. And it’s our expectations which hurts so keep your expectations low.

  • #47384
    Esha Esha 
    Participant
    #47384

    See, at times long distance relationships are tough to deal with. May be your bf is getting too emotional, insecure and frustrated and he is doing all these. Was he like this when it was not a long distance?
    Talk to him openly. tell him that what he is doing is making you uncertain of the relationship and you are afraid to think about marriage. See what he says.

  • #47390
    Sheetal Sheetal 
    Participant
    #47390

    Hello, Prabha I can understand your problem. I have also gone through with this phase. I am also in the relationship since last 5 years but he is also short tempered. You know there was one time when I have called 50 times to him but he didn’t picked my call and told me that it was my mistake and you should realise it. I have talked him that this is not a good way to treat me he makes promise but the next time he starts doing the same thing. So after a limit I give him a clean chit that if you will behave like this I am going to leave you and you know I did that. He didn’t called me for the next two days but when he called me then he was a different person. He realised that his behaviour is not good and stopped doing all these nonsense. So I just suggest you to talk with him that this is not a good way to be in relationship. Tell him that it hurts you and you can’t take it anymore. I am certain he will understand you dear ! God bless you :smile:

  • #47391
     Prabha 
    Participant
    #47391

    I have told him what I felt but no change in him. He has done this before and this is not the first time doing this to me.

    But I do not know how can I change his short temper.

    What you said is right. Initially in our relationship every thing was normal.
    Because of that my expectations were more. But now I cant control.

  • #47393
     Prabha 
    Participant
    #47393

    Thank you Sheetal :smile:

    But when i say that if I leave him surely he will never believe this. He knows that I will never leave him.

    • #47448
       Nemesis 
      Participant
      #47448

      There, you answered your own question. Because he knows you aren’t going anywhere, he will never try to change his behaviour. But you got to understand love is not a one way street and if your partner doesn’t care about your feelings then what kind of love is that? Most of us look for stability more than love which is why it’s hard to walk out. After investing years in a relationship, it becomes all the more difficult. Leave and see if he fights for you, if not you’re wasting your time and after marriage you’ll post a similar concern in a similar forum.

  • #47445
     Saloni_fizzy sparkles 
    Moderator
    #47445

    Hey I am pretty short tempered too and I think it is not very much possible to control the nature or change it.. it is a part of nature and no one can change it unless the person himself/herself wants to change.. people get short tempered due to various reasons, so do not ask him to change rather ask him what is the reason behind this nature and try to change that situation.. temper is always going to be there either low or high.. so rather try understanding him and understand what is causing fights between you guys ad try to avoid those things if you want to be with him… and if at a point you feel that he won’t change and you cannot live like this, then take a decision :high5:

  • #47632
    gossipgirl gossipgirl 
    Participant
    #47632

    this kind of behaviour becomes pretty difficult to live with after marriage. I know because you are in a long distance relationship it causes tensions, but let him know that this kind of behaviour is causing you major tensions. Talk to him openly about this without any emotional drama or crying etc, how much it bothers you and strains the relationship. He says he is doing this because you made ‘mistakes’ , and will continue to do so. Only you know if these were big mistakes or small ones. If he shows drastic punishment sort of behaviour like ‘teaching you a lesson’ for small mistakes that you do, that is a big red flag. Have serious open talks with him about how hurt you are. And i would say instead of pursuing him and losing your self-respect, if he ignores you, ignore him back. He is now conditioned into thinking what whatever way he behaves, you will go back to him. You need to show him back that bad behaviour has serious repercussions. And if you go abroad after marriage, you need a strong partner to survive living abroad away from all friends and family, not somebody who punishes you for teaching lessons. You need to support each other now and in the future.

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