Relationship problem with my husband because of my in laws

Forums 1. General Chit-Chat Relationship problem with my husband because of my in laws

This topic contains 5 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Apsara 3 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #85080
     Apsara 
    Participant
    #85080

    Hi all,

    I am a regular visitor of this site.I have been sharing my personal problems too. Guys, I need your help to overcome this serious relationship issue.

    Its been 3 yrs I have an arranged marriage, I have a 2.5 yr old kid. I stay in a joint family. I have MIL, FIL and an elder BIL 47 yrs old who is not married as well as unemployed since last 1 yr. I hold MA in HR & IR. I had initially started working after my son turned 1.6 yr but since my MIL was not cooperating (even after completing all household work and leaving for work) I had to leave my job. Currently just to be financially independent I give personal tuition and I am happy with that earning.

    The problem is my husband has been a mummas boy, he never takes my stand whenever someone abuses me or taunts me. There were some serious issues like my mil used to ask me to work in my last stage of pregnancy when I was actually unable to stand as I had put on too much of weight. My FIL asked me to lose my belly saying that u have too much of paunch in 5 mth pregnancy you should lose weight I told My hubby does he even know I am pregnant. Many such cheap incidents took place out of which I angrily left min-lawsws house I stayed at my parents for a month.

    We had joint family discussion touch wood my SIL was very supportive and understood my problem and scolded my hubby and MIL for being very much ignorant about emotional needs. My hubby promised me that he will start a new beginning and never let it repeat again.

    Yesterday all of a sudden he starts blaming my dad for discussion and points he raised at the time of meeting on issues we had, He said he will never forget that day in his life, he keeps on behaving very abnormally after every 10 days.

    I had been through too much of sarcasm from MIL, cheap comments from my FIL and husband being way too much ignorant about emotinal and physical needs.I dunno how to cope up with this.

  • #85113
     Saloni_fizzy sparkles 
    Moderator
    #85113

    I am sorry to hear that you are facing such issues :headbang: what they are doing is not correct at all and they should not behave that way.. either you need to adjust with them because it doesn’t seem that they will change their behaviour.. it is a vicious circle, you fight again, you go to mom’s place and then they will come to pick you and again the same taunting and stuff… either you need to adjust or take a call and leave the house.. I think you should talk it out with them finally as to what are they upto :headbang:

    • #85125
       Apsara 
      Participant
      #85125

      saloni thank god u replied believe me i read ur counselling and was thinking to ping u personally but madamgupshup does not allow personal pokes.

      Saloni when he had asked to come back he promised me that he will accept me and my kid he also said that he would take a months time to get normal,i agreed.After a months time again he is back to his ignorant behaviour and believe me when my MIL used to taunt me before he just kept mum.Teh same night when i used to discuss things that I did not like her commenting this etc etc he always replied u r making a way too deal out of it.

      Couple of days, back out of conversation he spoke about my dad which was completely unacceptable.I told him that when u havent forgotten things u shd have not asked me to come back.He replied that i will never forget that day (the day when we discussed amongst families).I have forgotten past and have moved fwd he just acts and behaves normal…worrst he speaks all negative side abt me to his frnds.Have I hurt his ego way too much and saloni I come from a family where we dnt dnt keep quite as far as daughters suffer whereas my in laws wont utter a word in case their daughters r being insulted by the hubbs in front of their parents (matlab kuch bhi ho jay jamai ko kuch bolna nai)

      I just dont know how to overcome this problem.out of rage i had asked him not to get close neither i want any of his financial favours he said ok no problem.

      Saloni thanks thanks once again for replying me .thanks a ton i was sooo depressed i was searching u on FB but all in vAIN.

  • #85116
    deepika.sv deepika.sv 
    Participant
    #85116

    I am sorry you had to hear and witness all this! Dont worry and stay strong.
    Sorry, but Your in laws are weird! It is like they want you to dance to their tunes. I am happy you are financially independent!

    Coming to your situation, men are egoistic and I think your husband takes the discussion as an insult. Why dont you guys getaway, just 2 of you and speak your hearts out. Most of the husbands are charmed by their women. why dont you try that way to make him understand that he is wrong.
    Men love their parents more than you think, the more you stand against them and the more they gain sympathy in the eyes of your husband. Just tolerate them for a month or two and dont blame anybody and just be the good girl and in that time you win your husband’s trust and you can do some magic. I hope this works!

    Maybe you can also move out if it is too much to bear! You can ask your husband to find a house atleast few blocks away so you have your privacy and you can convince your husband that it is not too far to meet hs parents.

    Cheers and hope you find loads of happiness!

    http://packbagswithpikasu.blogspot.nl/
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    • #85126
       Apsara 
      Participant
      #85126

      DEPIKA,thanks for ur prompt response we had fights before infact he was the one to insist about getting my families meet and discuss the problem.His ego was bruised just because I had put across all the points in front of two families and my SIL.

      My hubby is soooo much attached to his mum that even standing next to him he will call his mother to plate his food when i ask him that y dnt u tell me he says u r way toooo much insecured he still does it after leaving him.

      like… FIL commenting to reduce my tummy wen i was 5 month pregnant ….he (FIL) discussing about his affairs wen no one is around.worst my mil asked to take pills to postpone my periods so that my hubby can have sex with me … i had put all these points in front of my parents as well as his.

      I dunno deepika i know i am asking something v v v stupid but i just want to make him realise. and i dnt wish to go back to parents place because it lays an impression that baat baat pe mummmy ke ghar chali jati hai.

    • #85127
       Apsara 
      Participant
      #85127

      deepika he had clearly told me once he will never leave his parents so staying away is out of question.My MIL has improved her behaviour but my hubby hasnt changed a bit

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